Choose Happiness
This is my favorite time of the year. I like everything about it. But what I like most is how everyone is just a little bit more cheery and kind. And there is a sense of anticipation in the air. However, this year I've noticed a difference. We are a lot less kind, maybe even impatient with others. Perhaps it is the mask, but we are a little less cheery with our greetings. No question, there is good reason to feel a little sad and disappointed as the pandemic rages. However, we have a lot more control over our level of happiness than we may believe.
In an overview of studies on happiness, Sonja Lymbomirsky found that we control at least 40% of our happiness by our focus and choices (Lymbomirsky, 2013). Matt Killingsworth, a leading researcher in the concept of happiness, studied over 650,000 real-time reports from over 15,000 people. He found that people are less happy when their minds are wandering and are happier when they are in the present moment (Killingsworth, 2011). We now know that we can raise our overall happiness level by cultivating positive emotions such as love, kindness, compassion, gratitude, hope, and inspiration.
Ways to Boost Your Happiness
Here are some science-based ways to boost your happiness and well-being. Take a look and see which ones have the most appeal to you. Then pick one or two of these to practice daily.
Savor life's joys. Whenever you have one of those moments when you experience happiness and joy, take a picture in your mind of how you feel. Spend time with the feeling, enjoy it, call it up, and enjoy it again. This builds positive connections and creates more pathways for pleasure in the brain. Keep in mind that it is often the small things that mean the most.
Drop grudges. These may not be big things that you are holding. Perhaps they are a lot of little things you have collected. Ask yourself, is it really worth it to hold on to all that negative energy? What's to be gained? Who is really being hurt? Forgiveness has been linked to greater life satisfaction. In contrast, holding grudges has been shown to compromise the immune system, leading to various health issues (McCullough, 2000).
Connect. Social relationships have a tremendous impact on your health and well-being. Social connection has repeatedly been found to create higher life satisfaction levels and overall well-being (Kok et al., 2013). While we can't be physically present with others, find alternative ways to connect. Here are a few holiday ideas to jumpstart your thinking:
Share cookie or appetizer recipes among a group, then schedule times where each of you can make the shared recipes virtually.
Find pictures of friends and family from previous holidays and send them out with a holiday message.
Shop for gifts for a family in need.
If there is an assisted living facility in your community, find out what the residents and staff might like to celebrate the new year. Perhaps some residents do not have a family to celebrate with. Consider adopting them virtually to celebrate with you and your family.
Count your blessings. Research shows that counting your blessings leads to better health and overall life satisfaction (Emmons et al., 2003). Engage your family in this activity by decorating a container and asking everyone in your household to write down something they are grateful for each day. Then on New Year's Day, read them out loud.
Give thanks. During the pandemic, we have had to depend on many people to keep us safe, fed, and deliver goods to us to maintain our daily routine. Here are a couple of ideas to consider:
Take a moment to list all the people that helped you in some way over the past few months. Then find a way to say “thank you”. Your expression of gratitude doesn't have to be in the form of something tangible. Most people would appreciate a simple, heartfelt message from you more than anything you can purchase.
Find out how you can thank healthcare or other front-line workers in your community, such as having lunch delivered. Better yet, make homemade holiday cards that can be posted in their work area. This is a great activity to engage the whole family.
Minimize over-thinking and negative thoughts. Identify what triggers periods of negative rumination, such as certain people, times of day, events, news, or social media. You might replace negative rumination with a productive distraction like a hobby or exercise. Focusing on the positive helps create the neural pathways we desire.
Service to others. Help out a neighbor, volunteer, or do anything that allows you to connect to others and make a meaningful impact. Studies show that we are happy when connected and of service (Binder and Coad, 2013).
Smile. There’s no question that wearing a mask makes it harder to smile. But I'm sure you can tell whether someone is smiling under a mask. Even though you might not feel like smiling, it is worth the effort. Researchers found that just moving the muscles to form a smile was enough to stimulate the amygdala, which is the brain's emotional center (Marmolejo-Ramos, 2020). What's groundbreaking about this study is that the researchers found that the release of the neurotransmitters that facilitate a positive mood occurs even when the smile was contrived or faked. And guess what—others will smile back, creating a wonderful upward spiral of happiness.
I know it might be hard to feel joy and happiness this holiday season. However, we don't have to let our environment or situation keep us from experiencing the season's cheer. Instead, make a commitment to be proactive in making this the best possible holiday for ourselves and others.
References
Binder, M., & Coad, A. (2013). Life satisfaction and self-employment: a matching approach. Small Business Economics, 40(4), 1009-1033.
Emmons, R. A., McCullough, M. E., & Tsang, J. A. (2003). The Assessment of Gratitude.
Killingsworth, Matt (2011). TED Talk
Kok, B. E., Coffey, K. A., Cohn, M. A., Catalino, L. I., Vacharkulksemsuk, T., Algoe, S. B., ... & Fredrickson, B. L. (2013). How positive emotions build physical health: Perceived positive social connections account for the upward spiral between positive emotions and vagal tone. Psychological Science, 24(7), 1123-1132.
Lyubomirsky, S., & Layous, K. (2013). How do simple positive activities increase well-being? Current Directions in Psychological Science, 22(1), 57-62.
McCullough, M. E. (2000). Forgiveness as human strength: Theory, measurement, and links to well-being. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 19(1), 43-55.
Marmolejo-Ramos, F., Murata, A., Sasaki, K., Yamada, Y., Ikeda, A., Hinojosa, J. A., … Ospina, R. (2020, February 4). Your face and moves seem happier when I smile. Facial action influences the perception of emotional faces and biological motion stimuli. https://doi.org/10.31234/osf.io/4uvdq.