What to Do When Worry Consumes You?
Starting this month, our blogs will answer some of your most frequent questions about well-being topics. In July, we will focus on worry. With today’s news of rising prices, war, violence, illness, and more, worry seems to be at the top of the list. How do we manage it and even wipe it out? And, this week’s question, what to do when worry consumes you?
We have the amazing ability to mentally simulate future events. That is, we can think ahead and anticipate obstacles or problems. This ability allows us to plan and adapt to achieve our goals. However, when thinking about the future leaves us feeling anxious and apprehensive, it is called worry. Worry is a cognitive process that involves thinking about problems and events in a way that leaves you feeling anxious, stressed, or apprehensive.
What to do when this happens?
Step 1: Determine the source.
Once you realize that you are worrying, ask yourself, “What am I worrying about?” Sometimes it is obvious what’s on our minds. Other times it may not be so clear. It may be a general feeling of unease or discomfort. In this case, it may take a few attempts to uncover the source of our worrying. To do this, ask yourself, “what might be the cause of this feeling?” Don’t be surprised if discovering the source of your worry takes a few attempts.
Step 2: Determine if the worry is based on something real or imagined.
Real event worries are often actual problems affecting you right now, and something you can do something about. When worry is based on a real problem, a plan can be created to address it. For example, following an argument with a friend or partner, we can reduce the worry by apologizing or finding a way to resolve the cause of the argument. Often, when there’s a plan to address the source of our worry, it lessens the anxiety it can cause.
Hypothetical event worries are about things that have not yet happened. They are often a projection of things that might happen. They are the result of our mind’s ability to simulate different scenarios about the future. Sometimes hypothetical event worries are likely or reasonable outcomes of current events. But in many situations, they are unlikely and remote outcomes of a recent event or situation. Hypothetical worries ‘chain together’, or are a result of an if-then action chain. For example, let’s say I am late with a work assignment. My mind might take the path of “what if my boss decides that I am unreliable?” This leads me to project that I won’t get essential assignments in the future. Or even think, “what if she decides that I’m not needed and lets me go? How fast can I find another job? What if it takes me a while to find another job? What if I can’t pay my mortgage? Where would I live?” And on and on.
Step 3: Act. Whether the source of your worry is real or imagined, it can be managed and minimized.
If a worry concerns an actual event, then helpful strategies may include engaging in problem-solving skills. Here’s how:
What are potential solutions? Try listing at least three realistic solutions.
Next, determine the advantages and disadvantages of each.
Then, pick the best solution. Sometimes, none of the answers are ideal. It may mean choosing a solution that is the least bad or has the most impact in releasing you from your worry.
Finally, put your solution into action.
If a worry is hypothetical, then helpful solutions may include:
Pushing the pause button on your thoughts. When you find yourself going down the path of catastrophizing an event, take time to pause or stop this unproductive and anxiety-producing chain of thinking. Saying to yourself, “Not now. I will think about this later,” is all you need to do to release these thoughts. This approach is often more effective than saying “stop” because it gives your mind permission to let this go for now, with the idea that you can return to it later. You may find that you have forgotten about the worry chain as the day goes on and you move on to other things.
Distract yourself. Find something you love to do. This distraction may include taking a walk, listening to your favorite podcast, or playing with your children or pet. If you find your mind keeps going back to your worry, acknowledge these thoughts and say, “not now.” Here are two exercises that might be helpful in releasing unwanted thoughts.
Focus your attention on the present. When we are locked into the world of if-then about the future, we are not aware of our external world. Learning to control our attention and bring it back to the present can help us reduce, if not eliminate, unwanted thoughts and worry. Here are two brief exercises to help you gain control of your attention.
Bottom line, you can control your thoughts! You don’t have to let your thoughts control you. You can learn simple and effective tools to help you enjoy life in real-time and wipe out worry.