Planning or Worrying: What's the Difference?

Many of us are finding that worrying about the future is taking over our lives. And for good reason, we have a lot to worry about these days. However, not all worry is negative and damaging. Psychologists who study the concept of worry think about it in two categories: maladaptive and adaptive. Maladaptive worry involves having negative, reoccurring thoughts about the future with no resolution, plan, or decision, and has been linked to a wide range of negative mental and physical consequences.

On the other hand, adaptive worry, also known as planning, has been linked to improving our overall well-being because it turns unspecific, abstract thoughts into specific issues and concerns. From a place of specificity, we are able to problem-solve and develop plans which provide the pathway to feeling more in control over future events, thus releasing much of our stress and anxiety (Jing et al., 2017).

The first step in moving from maladaptive worrying to adaptive is to notice when we are having negative, reoccurring thoughts. This is where mindfulness comes in. A mindfulness practice helps us to better respond to difficult situations and to make an intentional choice about where we focus our thoughts and actions (Bajaj et al., 2016). When our attention is focused on the present, we are open to new ways of thinking, and are able to cope with difficult thoughts and feelings without being overwhelmed or shutting down. Research in neuroscience shows that a mindfulness practice weakens the linkage and associations that keep us obsessing and wallowing in our thoughts (Bajaj et al., 2016).

How to Move Away from Disruptive Worry

Here is a simple four-step exercise you can use to take away the power of reoccurring and disruptive thoughts:

• Step One: Acknowledge your thoughts.
  When you notice that you are replaying the same messages over and over in your head, take a moment and “push pause” on those thoughts. While they are on pause, see if you can look at them objectively. You might ask yourself what’s based on fact, what’s based on previous fears and experiences, and which ones are destructive. With a sense of curiosity and objectivity, take a moment to write them down. Putting thoughts into words has a way of releasing some of the power they have over us.

• Step Two: Identify underlying emotions.
  Next, see if you can identify what underlying emotions are attached to these thoughts. This isn’t always easy. These emotions might be driven by wanting control, security, approval, or wanting to run away due to fear. It could even be a combination of all of these. By pinning down the motivating drivers, you may be able to see why you’re so attached to these thoughts.

• Step Three: Accept thoughts without judgment.
  Once you’ve acknowledged these thoughts and identified why they have such a hold on you, you can begin to accept them as they are. Try not to judge them, alter, analyze, or feel guilty about thinking them. Simply accept them unconditionally. Opposing these thoughts simply energizes them more.

• Step Four: Forgive yourself.
  Keep in mind that forgiving is not easy. Our mind takes pleasure from holding on to negativity. We enjoy the feeling of being right or being a victim of circumstance. Forgiveness is a process. Start small and gentle. It might be something as gentle as silently saying to yourself, “I forgive myself for whatever it is that resulted in me having these thoughts” or “I forgive the other person or persons for whatever they may have done to cause me this stress and anxiety. After all, we are all human. We are all doing the very best we can.”

The next time you feel negative, reoccurring thoughts begin to circulate in your head, mentally, “push pause” and try this four-step exercise. It may be just what you need to prevent or shorten the amount of time you spend having negative, unproductive thoughts.

Once you feel you’ve “paused” your maladaptive worrying, you might consider turning your attention toward creating a plan for dealing with your real concerns. I think you will find that even if your planning is basic and continually evolves, putting an action plan around your worries and concerns is a pathway to dealing with the uncertainty of the future.

References

Bajaj, B., & Pande, N. (2016). Mediating role of resilience in the impact of mindfulness on life satisfaction and affect as indices of subjective well-being. Personality and Individual Differences, 93, 63-67.

Jing, H. G., Madore, K. P., & Schacter, D. L. (2016). Worrying about the future: An episodic specificity induction impacts problem solving, reappraisal, and well-being. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 145(4), 402.