Stopping Unwanted Habits
After a few weeks of working at home, educating our children, or attending classes online, many of us have fallen into habits that we wish we hadn’t started, such as snacking throughout the day, wearing sweats or pajamas well into the day, and spending hours on social media. Much of this unwanted behavior may have begun as a way to soothe us and reduce our anxiety. But now we are starting to look at our lives and realize that many of these habits will not serve us well in the long run.
In a previous blog, I wrote about creating our new normal, which described a process for setting goals and aligning our daily routine to these goals. However, many of us find that in order to create our new routine, we need to stop unproductive habits first before we can move forward with new productive ones.
Habits are hard to break because they are often a conditioned response to a stimulus or trigger. And if being sequestered at home was the primary trigger for our unwanted habits, breaking these unwanted habits will be even more difficult while we are still living in this same environment. Yet, this isn’t the only trigger that might be fueling our habits. We can be triggered by lots of things, not just our environment. We can be triggered by the actions of others, our senses (what we see, hear, touch, taste, or smell), our feelings, or by something we do. In other words, we can be triggered to perform a habit by pretty much anything.
The good news is that no matter what triggers us to perform an unwanted behavior, the process for eliminating it is the same. We need to be able to gain control of our attention, giving us power over our senses, thoughts, and feelings that trigger an unwanted behavior.
Changing an unwanted behavior requires us to:
Recognize when we are mindlessly performing an activity.
Pause and redirect our attention to the present.
Then, make a conscious choice to continue, modify, or stop the activity.
How to Gain Power Over Unwanted Habits
The following exercise is designed to help you train your attention and provide an opportunity for you to acquire the skills you need to gain power over your unwanted habits. While the following exercise uses the example of breaking a habit related to eating, the process is the same for any behavior you would like to modify or stop.
Start by finding a comfortable, seated position.
Begin by connecting your body and mind by taking 2-3 deep cleansing breaths.
Now, consider what habit you would like to eliminate or change.
Visualize the clues or trigger events that prompt this habit. For example, do you mindlessly snack as you scroll through social media or while watching your favorite streamed series?
You are likely to find that there are several situations where you find yourself mindlessly eating. However, many people find they have the most success in stopping unwanted habits by focusing on one opportunity or situation at a time.
Now, take a few breaths and consider the benefits of eliminating this unwanted behavior.
As you continue to focus on your breath, visualize what it feels like for this habit to hold power over you.
Next return to the clues or triggers that prompt this unwanted habit.
As you hold those triggers in your mind’s eye, develop a plan for when those triggers arise.
For example, you could take a breathing pause and count a predetermined number of breaths before you grab that snack. Or you could divert your attention elsewhere or change the pattern surrounding the activity.
Another example might be to sit in a different location while you watch your favorite series. This may be enough of a change to give you time to make a decision about what to do — anything that disrupts the pattern will be helpful.
Another approach is to notice when the urge arises for this unwanted habit and ask yourself questions to give you the time you need to put distance between the stimulus for your habit and your action. For example, you could ask yourself what the benefits are of stopping this habit or what really matters in this moment.
Each time you make a non-habitual choice during the pause, the habit loses some of its control and power.
It is highly likely that you will revert back to your old habits from time to time. Try to treat these times as a temporary set-back rather than a failure. And most important of all:
Keep in mind that change is hard for all of us.
Be kind in your self-talk.
Practice self-forgiveness when you don’t live up to your expectations.
And celebrate small successes.