Building Trusted Relationships Virtually
Working virtually allows us to work with others across a wide range of geographies, in ways that even a few years ago we would not have thought possible. Many of us are now just learning how to work virtually. Plus, we are often working with people we have never worked with before. Because of this, we have left behind the things we used to take for granted – like knowing the strengths and weaknesses of colleagues or knowing our team members so well that we could practically read their minds. In some cases, it may feel like we have a different job in a different organization, which may leave us feeling like we’re starting from scratch in our relationships.
More than four decades of research has unequivocally shown that trust in teams is vital for the effective functioning of work relationships. Trust becomes become especially relevant in environments where there is a need for high interdependence, close cooperation, teamwork, and flexibility – which are some of the primary characteristics of virtual environments.
Even before Covid-19, the modern workplace had undergone dramatic changes led by increased globalization, diversity, and technological innovations – all of which resulted in an increased emphasis on the self-directedness of employees and more flexible work structures. These shifts have led to an increased reliance on trust as a mechanism to coordinate and control interdependent activities. In a dynamic and fast-changing environment, it is impossible to control or do everything. We are heavily dependent on each other to do our jobs.
TRUST IS A SKILL
While some people think trust “just happens” (or doesn’t), it’s actually a skill that can be learned and developed over time. And, just like with other skills, we all start at different places. You’ve probably noticed that some people are more trusting than others. That’s because an individual’s baseline level of trust varies based on life experiences, personality type, cultural background, education, and other socioeconomic factors. From this perspective, trust can be seen as a trait-type phenomenon, with some of us having the tendency, and also perhaps the capacity, to generally trust more than others. However, like lots of traits, we can build on whatever baseline we have with intentional practice.
Being present is a critical component of building trust. For example, we all know when someone is not listening. They ask things that have already been covered or they repeat something you just said. These behaviors do not lead to building trust. They leave us feeling unappreciated and may lead to mistrust of the other person.
The greatest sign of respect for another human being is to be present for them in a non-judgmental way.
While the Levelhead model for building trusted relationships includes the ability to show gratitude, empathy, compassion, and have the ability to forgive, the foundation of this model is the ability to control your attention and be present for others. Take a moment to consider the last virtual meeting that you participated in and consider these questions:
Can you recall what else you did while you were in the meeting? How often did you check your email? Did you scroll through your social media? Were you daydreaming? Were you thinking about a personal problem? Or, wondering if a teammate had a hidden agenda in one of their statements?
Can you estimate how much of the meeting you were actually present? Research suggests that most of us were probably only present half of the time. Just think about what you missed and how your lack of attention impacted your relationships with others.
As you embark on your journey in this new virtual work world, we offer up that this is a great time to intentionally focus on building trusted relationships. Can you imagine the transformation that can happen at work (and at home) when you and others take a more present, open, and accepting approach? Imagine the discoveries, the increased teamwork, and the essential foundation of trust that will develop?
To help you improve your ability to be present, I hope you will take a few moments to listen to the following exercise and make a commitment to start building trusted relationships by being present for others.