Torn Between "Want" and "Should"
Welcome to March! We are two months into the new year and a new decade. How are you feeling about those goals you set in January? Are you finding that you’re constantly faced with decisions about “want” and “should”? You know, those decisions that offer short-term gratification that keep us from achieving our long-term goals? It seems temptation is everywhere – from being able to order anything we want to eat and having it delivered in just a few minutes, to ordering that special something from Amazon and having it delivered tomorrow. It’s no wonder that we often give in to our temptations.
From early childhood, we have some capacity to directly suppress one urge in favor of a goal-consistent one. And as the executive function of our brain develops into adulthood, most of us experience improvement in our ability to exercise self-control. This ability is often referred to as willpower. This is an appropriate description since it conjures up images of using power or brute force to do what is in our best interest.
This approach is problematic for a couple of reasons:
One, strategies of resisting temptation are often tiring, unpleasant, and require us to think about what we’re resisting, which leads us to eventually give in.
Two, we are often unrealistic about our ability to use self-control. For example, on Monday, we may feel confident that we will once again live up to our goals. But, by Wednesday, our resolve is waning, and we once again say to ourselves, “I’ll try again next week.” This is known as fresh-start framing. That is, there are predictable moments when people are especially motivated to make self-controlled decisions and these moments usually occur during the beginning of new cycles – such as the beginning of the week, the new year, birthdays, or after holidays. These fresh start moments facilitate the attainment of long-term goals because they help people feel disconnected from their past failures, which elevates their self-image and confidence (Dai et al., 2015). Researchers have also found that internet searches significantly increase during these times for words like diets, and we all know that gym visits increase on fresh start dates.
So how do we take advantage of this tendency? There is a growing amount of evidence that suggests it may be possible to encourage more self-controlled choices. According to researchers in self-control, to be successful requires that you utilize strategies related to modifying the situation (Situational Strategies) and/or modifying how you think about the situation (Cognitive Strategies). The following is an example of both strategies, related to healthy eating (Duckworth et al., 2018).
Successful Strategies to Encourage More Self-Controlled Choices
I know you are probably thinking, “This is a lot of work and I really don’t have the time or interest in putting together a ‘strategic plan’ for my goals.” And the good news is that you don’t have to. That’s because your mindfulness practice provides you the skills to operationalize both situational strategies and cognitive strategies, such as the ones described above. When we are mindful, we are able to monitor inner and outer stimuli without relying on pre-established conceptual filters, and we’re able to respond calmly to these stimuli. This enables a more integrated and genuine picture of reality, and extends one’s possible courses of action, thereby serving self-regulation. For example, mindful individuals are more likely to be better connected to their implicit need and motivation (Strick & Papies, 2017), and show less automatic reactions—that is, unconditional “(non-) wanting” in terms of either craving (“I must have this!”) or aversion (“This must go away!”) (Sauer et al., 2011).
Being present with an attitude of openness and non-judgment continues to show promise in helping us achieve the life we strive for without the endless cycle of fresh starts, loss of self-confidence, and gives us the ability to stop this perennial battle with ourselves.
REFERENCES
Duckworth, A. L., Milkman, K. L., & Laibson, D. (2018). Beyond willpower: Strategies for reducing failures of self-control. Psychological Science in the Public Interest, 19(3), 102-129.
Sauer, S., Lynch, St. Walach, H. & Kohls, N. (2011). Dialectics of Mindfulness: implications for western medicine. Philosophy, Ethics, and Humanties in Medicine. 6. 10.
Strick, M. & Papies, E. K. (2017). A brief mindfulness exercise promotes the correspondence between the implicit affiliation motive and goal setting. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 43, 623-637.