Everyday Kindness
Have you noticed that we are sometimes quick to anger? Sometimes we snap at others for minor things that we would have usually just shrugged off. At times, the stress of our daily lives, plus the enormous challenges in the world, may lead us to act out in ways that are not characteristic of our behavior, especially in our behavior toward others. For example, we may be slightly more impatient, irritable, and intolerant of others. However, allowing ourselves to go down this path is not good for our mental or physical health. It is certainly not good for our relationships.
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A powerful antidote for these feelings is injecting kindness into our thoughts and deeds. The fact is that it feels good to be kind to someone. That's because kindness releases a hormone known as oxytocin, which produces nitric oxide chemically, dilates blood vessels, and reduces blood pressure (Kok et al., 2013). The bottom line is that practicing kindness benefits our heart, reduces anxiety, lowers blood pressure, and helps us be happier.
A recent study found that random acts of kindness are more strongly associated with overall well-being than formal acts, such as volunteering in the community. The researchers speculated that the difference between formal and informal kindness might relate to the fact that informal kindness is more spontaneous, varied, and is less likely to become routine. These findings do not say that volunteering isn’t beneficial to the giver and society at large, of course. If you can’t volunteer formally, however, you can still enjoy the benefits of well-being by performing small acts of kindness in your day.
Kindness is expressed in many small, everyday ways. It might involve calling someone to check-in, allowing someone to go ahead of you in line, doing chores for someone, running an errand for a friend, or signaling another driver to go ahead of you in traffic. It is not about being "nice" in some sentimental or superficial way. True kindness comes from genuine care and concern. It carries no expectation of receiving anything in return.
Here are a few ideas to get you started — and they won't cost you time or money to spread kindness.
Be intentionally kind. Throughout the day, intentionally bring kindness into your actions, speech, and thoughts. Either silently or verbally wishing for others' well-being can improve your ability to feel empathy, increase your social connectedness, and improve your ratio of positive to negative emotions.
Run mini movies in your head. Encourage themes of kindness in your mind by running mini movies of times when others were kind to you or when you showed kindness toward others. This simple process will help wire your brain for kindness and calmness.
Assume innocence. Assume no ill will in others' intentions and bring a sense of kindness to your interpretation of other people's actions.
Start with YOU! Be kind to the parts of you that are hesitant or afraid. Be kind to aspects of yourself that you wish were different, whether these parts have to do with how you look, what you want, or your emotions. Be kind to what is human in you in the same way you practice kindness towards others' humanity.
Each act of kindness tends to lead others to acts of kindness, thus creating an incredible upward spiral of positive emotions. Research shows that your acts of kindness will spread three degrees of separation, from person to person to person. Why not give it a try?