Want to Be Great at Remembering Names?
Are you impressed when someone you met just one time remembers your name? It seems quite special and rare. However, most people say they have a terrible memory with names. And, while failing to remember someone’s name can be embarrassing, it may also be insulting to the other person. When we don’t remember someone’s name, it says we don’t deem them important enough to try. And on the contrary, when you remember someone’s name, that person is immediately drawn to you and forms a positive impression immediately.
While there are plenty of excuses for not remembering names, such as bad memory, poor listening, not paying attention, self-absorption, too busy, etc., most of these excuses become a self-fulfilling prophecy for the “I can’t remember names” attitude.
Here’s a great exercise to review before you go someplace where you are sure to meet new people. And don’t worry about following the process exactly. Just leveraging a couple tips will improve your ability to remember. Let’s look at the process.
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The first step in improving your name memory skills is to make a deliberate and conscious decision that you can and will remember someone’s name. It would be best if you were convinced that it’s important enough to put forth the necessary effort to improve. Remembering someone’s name is more of a skill than a natural talent. Once you commit to improving this skill, you can develop a plan to achieve it.
Be aware of the self-talk going on inside your head. If you say to yourself, “I’m terrible at remembering names,” you will not succeed. Changing that to “I will make the necessary effort to remember someone’s name” will make a big difference.
When you are introduced to someone new, notice where your attention is. When you notice that you’re thinking about what you will say or worried about making a good impression, you will not remember the person’s name. If this happens, and you missed the person’s name during this internal dialogue, ask them to repeat their name. Most people will not be offended when you ask upfront. They will be flattered that you care enough to get it right.
When you feel the dialogue begin inside your head, take a moment to breathe and refocus. As you hear the person’s name, focus on it, tuning everything out except the sound of their name. Then, make eye contact and say, “John, it is very nice to meet you.” The important thing is to use the person’s name immediately. And if you’re unsure that you got it right, ask, “Did I get that right?”
If the person has an unusual name, ask them to spell it. For some who are more visually oriented, this will form a mental picture of their name. Or ask for a business card that you can glance at to help you remember.
As you begin your conversation, ask an open-ended question using their name. For example, “John, how do you know our host?” This will also help you remember.
Want more practice? Another good way to improve the ability to control your attention, is to practice remembering people’s names you meet in the normal course of your day – such as a receptionist, the person at the checkout counter at the grocery store, or a member of the wait staff at a restaurant. Many of these people either wear a badge or have a nameplate and often they introduce themselves to us, but we often respond automatically, barely even noticing that they are there.
Instead, once you hear their name, repeat it back to them. You might say, “I am pleased to meet you, Steve.” Or “Steve, how is your day going?”.
When you engage people by using their names throughout the day, you are not only brightening the person’s day but also strengthening your memory.
In summary:
Engage your sense of hearing, and carefully listen to the person’s name.
Visualize your attention, recording the person’s name and face as you interact with them.
As soon as you have confirmed that you have pronounced their name correctly, begin to use your other senses to activate your attention and memory. For example, what color is their hair or what color are their eyes? What stands out to you about this person? Your senses can be a powerful tool and keep your attention in the present.
Before moving on with your day, think about a person with a great memory for people’s names. What reaction does this person get from others? Consider how important it is to you to be able to remember people’s names. And if it’s important, develop a plan of how you will practice and become great at it.