Creating Space for Loss
Many of us are experiencing feelings of loss right now. Sometimes we can identify where these feelings are coming from, such as the loss of our financial security, a loss of our sense of safety and health, a loss of gatherings of friends and family, and so on. Other times it feels unspecified, just a vague feeling of sadness and loss that acts as a negative filter over all dimensions of our lives. These feelings can be expected after all, we have experienced a seismic shift in our lives.
Most people deal with feelings of loss in two ways. We are either: (1) completely consumed and feel trapped, or (2) we try to avoid the pain and emotions so we can move on. However, when we learn to accept an emotion as neither good nor bad, even one as powerful as a sense of loss, we can begin the journey of healing.
Keep in mind that during our healing journey, our feelings will ebb and flow, changing shape and form. Some days we will feel that the feeling has passed and on other days, it will really hurt. A feeling of loss, like other emotions, is ever evolving. Once we accept this, even if only on a rational level, we will start to heal.
Here are a few strategies that you might find helpful in dealing with loss and other unwanted or troubling emotions.
Reach out for support. Don’t try to bear your grief or feelings of loss alone. Reach out to others and talk through your feelings. It might even be helpful to explore why you’re feeling what you are feeling. It is incredibly healing to understand that others are having similar feelings.
Sit quietly and reflect. When we are dealing with difficult emotions such as grief, many of us do things to distract ourselves from dealing with these feelings. Instead, take a moment and reflect on how you want to live your life. Consider what lessons you have learned from the current situation and what changes you want to make going forward.
Learn to center yourself through feelings of grief. When waves of sadness and helplessness wash over you, take that moment to feel the emotion and its depth. After you have allowed yourself to feel this emotion, take a few, slow deep breaths to release these feelings. This will help you remain grounded and bring your attention back to the present.
Build your gratitude quotient. When we experience loss, we often fixate on the negative aspects of our life. Grief and loss exacerbate the negative bias of the brain. Because of that, we will need to make a conscious effort to remind ourselves of what’s good and what’s right in our life.
Our mindfulness practice reminds us that when we suppress our emotions and don’t accept them, they will show up often in unforeseen destructive ways. Keep in mind that suggestions to let go of thoughts and feelings aren’t meant for you to avoid or ignore them. These suggestions are meant to reinforce the idea that becoming aware of your feelings without judgment is the first step in your healing journey.
Within the Levelhead program, there are a number of practices that you might find especially helpful during a time of loss. The following are just a few to get you started on your journey.
References
Goodman, A., & Sommers-Flanagan, J. (2019). David A. Treleaven, Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness: Practices for Safe and Transformative Healing. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, 49(2), 127-128.
Supiano, K. P., & Overfelt, V. K. (2018). Honoring grief, honoring ourselves: Mindfulness-based stress reduction education for grief group clinician-facilitators. Social Work in Mental Health, 16(1), 62-73.
Thieleman, K., & Cacciatore, J. (2019). ‘Experiencing life for the first time’: the effects of a traumatic death course on social work student mindfulness and empathy. Social Work Education, 38(4), 470-484.