Comparing Ourselves to Others
How often have you felt pretty good about yourself and then saw something on social media or elsewhere that caused you to second guess yourself? Comparing ourselves to others is not new, but the proliferation of opportunities to do this today can take a toll on our self-esteem. While we all know that reducing our time on social media will help, there are additional steps we can take to minimize the impact of these comparisons.
Here's an exercise to help you explore how to lessen the impact of this age-old problem.
Find a quiet place where you can make yourself comfortable and are unlikely to be interrupted. Take a few slow breaths to center your attention and relax your body.
Now take a moment and consider what triggers cause you to compare yourself to others. Is it when you hear of someone’s exciting new opportunity or fabulous vacation, or when you see something that triggers you to feel insecure about your appearance?
As you reflect on these situations, consider when these triggers occur. Is it when you scan social media, shop, watch TV, attend events, or talk with others?
Is there a characteristic that you often compare yourself to others? Such as how much money they have, how successful they are, and how they look.
Consider when things trigger your feelings and identify a trend. Is it something from your childhood, perhaps family expectations? Or is it something that recently happened, such as seeing an unflattering picture of yourself?
Now, reflect on those things that make you unique, such as your accomplishments, challenges that you have overcome, and your talents and skills. In other words, consider all the things that make you special, unlike anyone else.
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Once you have a clearer picture of your feelings and what triggers these feelings, consider the assumptions you have made about the people you are comparing yourself to. Do you think that they have insecurities too? Have you ever learned something about someone you envied that is opposite to your image of them – that is, you realized that their lives weren’t perfect either? No one is.
Another great antidote to self-comparison is gratitude. Anytime you feel jealous, envy, or feel that you’re not enough, quickly inventory everything you are grateful for. Nothing boosts your mood more than reminding yourself how fortunate you are.
Finally, a productive way to mobilize this human tendency of self-comparison is to consider positive role models - such as people who have overcome enormous obstacles and are now making a positive contribution to the world. Consider making these people your role models – not in a jealous way or to make yourself feel bad, but to inspire you to look beyond the superficial and dig deep to discover what’s important to you.
Before you move on with your day, consider what triggers your need to compare yourself to others. Then, reflect on how you can minimize or eliminate these triggers. And consider this quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
